Acknowledgments -- Is Your Country a He or She in Your Mouth -- Search "Lizard Vagina" and You Shall Find -- The Whole World Gets Together and Gangbangs a Deer -- He Marries the Stuffed-Owl Exhibit -- An Animorph Enters the Doggie-Dog World -- The Hatfields and McCoys -- The Arch -- When the World Was Ten Years Old -- List of Cross-Dressing Soldiers -- The Hunt for a Newborn Gary -- The Fake Tears of Shirley Temple -- A Recent Transformation Tries to Climb the Stairs -- The Feeling of Needing a Pen -- Nessie Wants to Watch Herself Doing It -- Bedbugs Conspire to Keep Me from Greatness -- Last of the Late Great Gorilla-Suit Actors -- Factories Are Everywhere in Poetry Right Now -- Revealing Nature Photographs -- See a Furious Waterfall Without Water -- Love Poem Like We Used to Write It -- Why Haven't You Written -- Rape Joke -- The Hornet Mascot Falls in Love -- The Descent of the Dunk -- The Third Power -- Natural Dialogue Grows in the Woods -- The Brave Little _________ Goes to School -- There Were No New Colors for Years -- Perfect Little Mouthfuls -- The Father and Mother of American Tit-Pics -- The Hypno-Domme Speaks, and Speaks and Speaks -- About the Author